Bella's Intoxication
by mysteryheart
Summary: Jacob brings Bella home drunk after a failed attempt to split her and Edward up, Charlie is livid and maybe this will finally help Charlie see what a gentleman Edward is, and how not so innocent Bella is. humor towards the end.


Jacob was panicking as he helped the giggling Bella into her house. He was a dead man. Charlie was going to kill him, wait screw Charlie Edward was going to kill him! It was a stupid plan he knew. but Paul and Jared thought it would work.

Well He did the crime now it was time for him to do the time. "Jacob? Bells is that you?" Charlie said as he walked into the hall. Jacob was about to speak when Bella staggered forward giggling. "DADDY!" She yelled smiling as she fell on her ass.

Charlie pinned Jacob with a hard glare. "Jacob Black why is my daughter drunk?" He asked calmly. Jacob gulped and tried to remind himself that he healed fast. so logically Charlie couldn't kill him. right?

"ok, dont get mad, its kind of a funny story." Jacob said forcing a laugh. Charlies glare hardened. "Well get on with it cause I sure as Hell ain't laughing right now boy." Charlie said icily. Jacob gulped and wondered if he should have written out a will before he left.

" Ok well you know as well as I do that Edwards no good for Bella, I mean I would be a much better choice you know? so totonight at the party I heard her talking with Rebecca, and she was complaining about how Edward wouldn't have sex with her unless they were married, which lets face it is such an old fashioned rule nowadays." He said

Charlie's glare hardened. "Actually that sounds like a sensable plan, but none of that tells me why my daughter is on the floor _drunk_." He seethed.

"Daddy! I'm a princess! and I want Edward to be my prince! Make Edward my prince!" Bella demanded.

Jacob bit his lip. "Yeah. ok right so Paul and Jared had this...idea. which actually seemed cool at the time. they told me to get her drunk, get her to kiss me and then send the photo to lover boy so he'd break up with her. only it didnt work out that way. we got her drunk by spiking her punch with Vodka, but when i tried to get her to kiss me she refused.

She started screaming for Edward, and she was being so loud that it drew rebeccrebecca and Leah over, and you know how jared has a crush on my sister right... ok not the point but the point is she had the story out of him in a minute.

Rebecca and Leah were pissed. they said that not only could that be considered sexual assult that it would be seen as breaking our agreement with the Cullens and, well Leah threatened my manhood if I didnt bring Bella home straight away." Jacon expained.

"It was horrible Daddy! he tried to grab my boobies too!" Bella said as she crossed her arms and pouted. Charlies face reddened in anger. "You.Tried.to.sexually.assult.MY DAUGHTER!?!" he bellowed, Jacob winced. "Its not that serious Charlie!" Jacob protested weakly.

"NOT THAT SERIOUS!? NOT THAT- JACOB EPHRAIM BLACK YOU GOT MY DAUGHTER DRUNK, ON PURPOSE WITH THE SOLE INTENT OF SEXUALLY ASSULTING HER SO HER BOYFRIEND WOULD DUMP HER!!" he raged.

Jacob forgot he was a fast healer and took a step back. "Now Charlie-" Here he was cut off. "Thats Chief Swan to you! I dont know why in the hell I ever wanted my daughter with the likes of you! im calling Edward and telling him to bring his father over. and if im lucky he'll bring that Bulky brother of his to!" Charlie yelled as he grabbed the phone. "Why Dr Cullen and the mountain?" Jacob asked fearfully.

"Carlisle so he can make sure Bella doesn't have Alcohol poisioning. and That brother so he can beat the snot out of you you Delinquent!" Charlie yelled.

Edward had picked up ththe phone and caught the tail end of the rant.

_/Charlie? whats wrong? who are you yelling at and why do you want one of my brothers to beat them up?/_"Edward my boy, you need to get your father and that big brother of yours, the bulky one and get over here. Jacob got Bella drunk." Charlie explained, working to keep his fury in check.

/_I see... while i think thats both idiotic and irresponsible. i dont think that requires Emmett to beat him into a pulp, though a few good hits are more than desserved./_Charlie took a deep breath. "You dont understand. He did it on purpose." he said. and Charlie could swear he heard Edward push the accelerator on his car.

_/Why?/_

He asked in a stangely calm tone that made Charlie happily think of the tourture Jacob would be put through. so he told Edward exactly why Jacob had done it and what Bella had said.

/_we're outside/_

Charlie walked into the hall to see Edward, Carlisle and Emmett walking into the house. Emmett immediately grabbed Jacob by the scruff of his neck and Dragged him out the door towards the woods

**_~Scene~_**

Half an hour later Carlisle Had assured Charlie that Bella did not have alcohol Poisoning. much to everyones relief.

"Edward!" Bella cried. Edward looked at Bella who was now sitting on the couch. "Yes, love?" He asked. "Have sex with me!" She demanded. Everyone froze. and Emmett who had came back twenty minutes ago. snorted.

Edward pinched the bridge of hus nose while Carlisle and Charlie simply looked on. shocked. "Bella love, I can't." He said soothingly. "But why?" She whined. "We're not married." He replied. Bella huffed. "I dont care about that!" She yelled. "Bella, my heart. its not the right time for us to take that step yet." Edward soothed.

" Like hell! you just wont sleep with me cause your old!" Bella accused. The others in the room had to cover their snorts with their hands. Edwards lips twitched. "Bella, I'm only a few months older than you." He reasoned. "No your not! your like 109! can you even get an erection!?!" She shrieked.

That did it for Emmett. he burst out laughing as he fell to the floor holding his sides. Edward Placed his hand over his eyes in mortification. thank the gods Charlie would only dismiss this as drunken ramblings.

"Yes Bella. i can be aroused." He ground out. "Then why dont I ever see you get hard huh!?! do you know how many times I've tried to throw myself at you!?! but your such a damn noble bastard that you wont ever touch me!" Bella yelled.

"Bella, its because I respect you to much." Edward tried. "Thats Bullshit! respect has nothing to do with it! I want you to fuck me! Daddy make Edward have sex with me!" Bella demanded as she turned to look at her father, who was looking at her with something akin to horror.

"uh, I dont think thats a good idea bells" He croaked. Bella glared at him. "Why not? Edward I want you to have sex with me! now!" Bella demanded as she stomped her foot. Edward sighed. "Bella, No." Edward said firmly.

Bella scrunched up her nose and then burst into tears. "You dont love me!" She wailed. Edward suddenly looked pained. "Bella, shhh sweetheart. dont cry. of course I love you." He soothed.

"N-No you dont! I-If you loved me you'd want to have sex with me! you wouldn't want to wait for a stupid wedding or anything!" She sobbed. Edward kissed her forhead. " Dont, say that. of course I love you. and I do want to sleep with you love I just want to be married to you first." Edward assured.

Bella sniffed. "S-So i'm not going to turn into jane the 40 year old virgin?" She hiccuped. "No darling." Edward said Emmett now had his phone out and had recorded most of the interaction.

"Emmett stop recording!" Carlisle hissed. "C'mon dad, This is gold!" He said. Bella suddenly turned her glare on him. "Emmett Cullen you will stop recording me right now or I will tell Rosalie that it was you that broke her curling Iron!" Bella yelled.

Emmett looked shocked. "How'd you know it was me!?!" He gasped. Bella smiled evily. "I didn't until now. and now that i have something on you Help me get Edward to have sex with me!" Bella demanded

Emmett blinked then turned to his brother. "Edward, have I ever told you how amazing sex is?" He asked

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**A/N: There you go! just a funny quick one shot in between working on my other fanfictions. please review and tell me what you think! and if your waiting for a particular story to be updated feel free to leave a review on them. remember, reviews always encurage me to get chapters out faster. they inspire me to work harder for you guys and Make me less stressed because it shows me that people do actually like My stories!****Have a wonderful day and blessed be!**


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